The Things That Keep Me Sane

Ways to deal with challenging times

If you have been following my story for a short time, you know that I have a lot going on and much of it is challenging, scary, lonely, and grief filled. With all of this swirling around my daily life, I decided to reach out to a grief therapist to help me process it all. Imagine me, the introvert, setting up my computer, signing in, and meeting my new therapist. Imagine me beginning my story reluctantly only to be interrupted by my therapist and informed that due to Texas law, she could not help me because I was traveling and a part time resident of two states according to her. Click. Blank screen.

I sat there stunned, lost, and feeling utterly alone with my grief. I became angry, frustrated, and wanted to lash out at the system that made therapy inaccessible for people who travel at all. But after about an hour, I texted my husband and said - maybe it’s time to invite more than Western medicine in to my situation (I had been unable to reach my doctor for over 6 weeks for an appointment either).

Fast forward a few days - I realize, in an aha moment, that I have access to some tools to save myself (tools I hadn’t yet tapped into because somehow I believed that only my doctor or a therapist could help me). I can help heal myself with herbs, meditation, acupuncture, yoga, and whatever else I can think of (cue simmering anger here). I immediately begin to think of the things that can support and help heal me - the things that can reconnect me to myself, help me be with my feelings with compassion, and can hold me when depression tries to move in permanently. These are the things that are holding me together right now and I hope you find something that might offer you some support in these challenging times, whether you can access therapy or Western medical doctors or not…

1. Metta meditation. Every day, when I wake, I lie in bed and imagine one person I would like to send loving kindness to (family, friend, neighbor, acquaintance). I repeat these phrases over and over imagining a golden light flowing around them.

   May you be happy

   May you be healthy

   May you be (feel) safe and protected

   May you feel love, loved, and loving

   May you live in this world peacefully and with ease

   Next, I send this same energy, loving kindness to myself, repeating it as many times as I feel I need today (some days for a few minutes, some days for 10+ minutes). You can say it out loud or to yourself. Maybe today you won’t feel it but know that this practice has power and over time, it will sink in and help you feel supported and loved as well as change your relationships with others.

2. Volunteer. Healing yourself is easier when you are helping to heal others. For me this means volunteering at the local cat rescue. The beautifully intuitive owner could see I needed cat therapy and didn’t ask questions. She simply handed me the keys and said come as often as you need and please, just sit with the cats and socialize them. Love them. I now sit and pet cats, talk to them, sing songs with their names, play with them, snuggle them close and cry. They love me no matter what and being with them, giving them love when they have been abandoned or discarded, helps me feel useful - as if I am helping heal them too. To Juice, the 21 year old one eyed orange tabby cat who sopped up my tears Sunday and purred the entire time with biscuit paws massaging my arm - I thank you my friend.

   

3. Journal/write/create/express yourself. Maybe this means screaming into a pillow every day or belting out Chills by Skylar Astin with the moonroof open and the windows down on a cool February evening under a full moon (oh, that’s me, but really, you should check out Skylar Astin). Dance, sing, write, journal, pour it all out onto or into something. Create a playlist if you need and let the feelings, thoughts, experiences flow out. It’s cathartic and helps shake some of the sad energy off. It can also redirect your energy and help you gain insight and perspective which is really helpful when you are feeling a bit ragey.

4. Sound baths/healing. Each of us has a unique experience of how sound affects us. I have been exploring 45 minute sound baths at bedtime and it has been incredibly powerful in helping me settle down, relax, and sleep better. If you haven’t experienced sound healing, check it out - there is a lot out there to show that certain sounds and frequencies can actually support physical, energetic, and emotional healing as well as make you more resilient. Plus, they feel amazing - like a full body massage!

5. Seek alternative care providers. There are healers all around us and they don’t have a Western medicine degree. From yoga and meditation teachers to acupuncturists to Ayurvedic practitioners to massage therapists to herbalists to sound healers and more. Even if you have a therapist (who actually will talk to you) or a doctor (who will answer your calls and see you), these can be incredibly supportive methodologies to help your mind and body process whatever you are working through; keep you feeling loved, supported, and cared for; and also, keep you healthy overall. Note here, I have a great herbalist who is having me drink this amazing tea created just for what I need. Feeling deeply seen, heard and supported by an alternative healer is so powerful.

6. Reach out and take a hand. I asked my neighbor to walk with me every day for 30 minutes. I called my friend and asked her to lunch. I texted my cousin and set up a date for us to hang out. When you are in the midst of grief or any overwhelming emotion(s), your natural tendency is to hide out, pull away, suffer in silence. You don’t have to. People love you, care about you, and they want to be there for you even if it’s a silent walk up the hill as you both gasp from the higher elevation and being somewhat out of shape. Set up one or two appointments each week with people that help you feel cared about and are easy/effortless to be around. And DO NOT bail on them. Tell yourself this is for your own good because your sadness will try and talk you out of it (I know this because mine tries all of the time and I tell it I made a promise to show up).

7. Nature. Spend 15 minutes a day in nature - quietly, softly, with gratitude. No extra explanation needed here. Just breathe, listen, see, absorb.

8. Be still and listen. Close your eyes and just be. Listen with all your mind, body, energy. Hear whatever comes up. Let it be what it is. You are developing and practicing your LISTENING skills which will help you live a more present and fulfilling life. Listen to the birds (what are they talking about so animatedly), the fan (click swish), your breath (fast or slow or shallow or deep), the beat of your heart (comforting and steady), the dripping faucet (laugh at this because that faucet will drip no matter what), the coffee maker (heralds the arrival of the magical brown morning potion). Listen to what your own body and mind are telling you today. What are they saying you need? Listen.

9. Surround yourself with soft things. A favorite blanket, velvety soft pants, a warm cozy hoodie, fluffy socks. You are out shopping and find this luxuriously soft blanket and think, I don’t need this. But you do. We are tactile creatures and wrapping yourself up in that blanket could help you feel loved and held. I am not afraid to admit that I have a stuffed rabbit that I hold and rub his ears between my fingers when I am particularly anxious. He makes me feel better and Lucy the cat appreciates that I am not rubbing a hole through HER ear. Did I feel weird when I bought him? A grown woman with a bunny? Yes and then NO. He is my fret bunny.

   

10. Teatime. Yes. Tea time. I was recently chatting with someone who was shocked that I had tea four or five times a day. Tea time helps me regroup, be present, break the day up, have something to look forward to, slow down and savor, and honestly, tea tastes good and feels warm and comforting in my hands. It’s my reset button. Maybe tea isn’t your thing, but find something that helps you break the day up into manageable pieces with sweet pauses every now and then.

11. Nourish your physical body. I have been craving soups, stews, hearty warm foods that are easily digestible and comforting. They smell wonderful, filling the house with the scent of herbs. They settle an anxious stomach and soothe a fractured mind with their grounding warmth/flavor/scent. It can be easy to turn to fast or processed foods when you are anxious or depressed or grieving (I definitely face this issue a lot), but a good bowl of warm food can make the world a sweeter place for the moment. There is love in comfort food made with healthy ingredients and the best thing about these kinds of foods is they are usually one pot, simple to prepare foods. Even better, maybe you could invite your neighbor over for a bowl and share?!

If you have been feeling low, scared, challenged, and are struggling with anxiety, grief, or depression - reach out for professional help, and at the same time, create your own routines and habits that will help support you as well. Think of it as a prescription - it may include therapy, massage therapy, sound healing, meditation, and a hearty bowl of soup. Doesn’t that sound nice?

Maybe these things seem small but create your own prescription and see how small things can support your in big ways.

What are your go to things for when you are down? Do you have a favorite blanket, soup, music, thing you like to do to help you stay sane in a chaotic world?

Sending you all the love from Lucy kitty, Buns the fret bunny, and my red fuzzy blanket -

Aprille XXoo